The appropriateness of malapropisms

 I know medicine can replace hips and knees... when will they be able to do wrists? Oh fine, I can type - but there is an effective word to add - "still". I am down to well under 20 wpm now (used to peak at 40 once). And while they are doing my wrist, I certainly could do with a right knee, a new neck, some ankles...

Whinge whine...

Oh! There's another anachronism of the English language - the letter H
in "whinge" adjusts the letter "G". Try pronouncing this pair:

Whinged - winged

...But take away the wobbleyou and you get the condition a door needs to be to open:

Hinged.

But the guilty murderer was hanged in the past in England...

Hmmm... that letter H is a right little sod! Doesn't work the way it should. Try this word pair:

Ginger and Gingham...

Oh deary me - and then there are words that work both ways. For instance:
...
Lunged and Lunged

In the one case I mean that sport with pointed sticks and what was done
to put the point in the opponent's lungs (ooohhh groan!) and in the
other case as a descriptive:

"Lunged organisms breathe air" (as opposed to gilled ones that breathe water)(unless they're newts I guess) (Later edit: of course, the GILL - as pronounced for the alcohol measure would easily describe why we say "I am pissed as a newt" - probably one had far to many gills).

Which is why I get soooo scratchy when folk can't rite proper like and
fill in their text with so many misspooled words. They haven't really
misspelt the word, they have just used the wrong one. Examples:
...
"... ring his neck"

"... welcome to my websight"

‎"ICQ" and all thos other little SMS shortcuts (groan!)

"... icey roads"

"... I've bean to ..."
...
Of course one can forgive the odd malapropism, but lately I have been
reading a few e-books by writers who probably submitted their work and
got rejected... Some of these stories are just hopelessly full of
malapropisms and that really spoils a story.

Oh well. That's my wing for the day. Doesn't it make you cring?

(Do not call me on the phone for the next hour or so - my tung is firmly stuccoed in my cheek)