(as remembered by Chris Brisland)
Introduction
Everyone should have heard of Murphy’s Law by now – you know, the one that goes: “If it can happen, it will.” You haven’t? Oh! Murphy’s Law proven again!
Who was Murphy anyway?
Who was Murphy anyway?
Does it matter? It certainly wasn’t the Robocop Murphy – although in the end he does prove a few Murphyisms in his films…
He was probably related to Kilroy (you know – that pair of eyes peering over the wall with the words “Kilroy woz ‘ere” written across the top…) In other words, Murphy is probably a Nom de Plume for anyone with a word to say about the probability of something happening being inversely proportional to the value of the part that can go wrong. I have read various tales that Murphy was a WWII aircraft mechanic, a building engineer, a worker on the Ford production line…
With the passing of years, the real Murphy has faded into legend. Like Kilroy and Odysseus Kostoglakis.
What? You’ve never heard of Odysseus? And yet you use his name thousands of times each day. OK, his real name might not have been Odysseus Kostoglakis, but he was a Greek gent with those initials who was chief of a Boston Newspaper many decades ago. Whenever he okayed a feature for publication he would do so by writing his initials of the reporter’s copy.
O.K. Got it?
On the other hand – the Greek Words “Ola Kala” mean “All Good”… It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? O.K? Perhaps his name was Giorgos Mitsoglou? Perhaps he just couldn‘t write “all good” in English? So perhaps he just abbreviated Ola Kala?
But I digress… I was going to talk about Murphy. Like all good stories, there is a clear beginning” – there is one law, just like the one ring, to bind and form all other Murphy’s Laws. One Law to lead them all and in confusion bind them. I wrote that one law right at the beginning of this feature...
Six simple to understand words arranged in such a well known saying that anyone who reads them for the very first time immediately understands the total truth and depth they convey. And that phrase is something that engineers and designers have been trying to combat since the dawn of time. Our Murphy is reputedly a twentieth century character and his law, with all its amendments (just like the US constitution) is a twentieth century “life form”, but there was certainly some pre-historic Murphy who uttered the same sentiments as he tried to make a flint axe and ended up with a spark to ignite a fire.
Now quite a few readers might comment that Murphy’s Law really states “If it can go wrong it will.” A mere technicality of semantics – it’s just that the Law appears to cause more negative situations than positives… as you will see.
He was probably related to Kilroy (you know – that pair of eyes peering over the wall with the words “Kilroy woz ‘ere” written across the top…) In other words, Murphy is probably a Nom de Plume for anyone with a word to say about the probability of something happening being inversely proportional to the value of the part that can go wrong. I have read various tales that Murphy was a WWII aircraft mechanic, a building engineer, a worker on the Ford production line…
With the passing of years, the real Murphy has faded into legend. Like Kilroy and Odysseus Kostoglakis.
What? You’ve never heard of Odysseus? And yet you use his name thousands of times each day. OK, his real name might not have been Odysseus Kostoglakis, but he was a Greek gent with those initials who was chief of a Boston Newspaper many decades ago. Whenever he okayed a feature for publication he would do so by writing his initials of the reporter’s copy.
O.K. Got it?
On the other hand – the Greek Words “Ola Kala” mean “All Good”… It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? O.K? Perhaps his name was Giorgos Mitsoglou? Perhaps he just couldn‘t write “all good” in English? So perhaps he just abbreviated Ola Kala?
But I digress… I was going to talk about Murphy. Like all good stories, there is a clear beginning” – there is one law, just like the one ring, to bind and form all other Murphy’s Laws. One Law to lead them all and in confusion bind them. I wrote that one law right at the beginning of this feature...
“If it can happen, it will.”
Six simple to understand words arranged in such a well known saying that anyone who reads them for the very first time immediately understands the total truth and depth they convey. And that phrase is something that engineers and designers have been trying to combat since the dawn of time. Our Murphy is reputedly a twentieth century character and his law, with all its amendments (just like the US constitution) is a twentieth century “life form”, but there was certainly some pre-historic Murphy who uttered the same sentiments as he tried to make a flint axe and ended up with a spark to ignite a fire.
Now quite a few readers might comment that Murphy’s Law really states “If it can go wrong it will.” A mere technicality of semantics – it’s just that the Law appears to cause more negative situations than positives… as you will see.
Murphy’s Law
If it can happen it will
First Amendment
If it can go wrong it will go wrong
(Written to the sound of snapping pencil lead and “Buggerit!”)
Section 1: Murphy’s Laws on Mechanical Engineering
1. Murphy’ Law of Selective Gravitation
A dropped item will always fall in the direction of least accessibility
Example from real life:
An aircraft mechanic was part of the team replacing a main rotor gearbox on a Bell 47 helicopter (if you’ve seen the TV series M*A*S*H, then you know the one). The gearbox was suspended over the engine while the mechanic threaded washers onto the mounting bolts before he put these into the holes on the gearbox. Of course – he dropped the washer into the opening at the top of the engine. There was a sudden hush which came over the repair team… but not a sound could be heard of a washer falling “plink, plink, plink…”) (oh… see 2 below)
…not a sound… except for “Phuket!!” (I went on holiday there once – a lovely island)
Extensive searching failed to reveal the hiding place of that washer. Everything was tried – even shaking the helicopter. Would you believe they even removed the engine and turned it upside down! In the end, they found the washer in the bottom most cylinder trapped between the piston and the cylinder liner.
2. Murphy’s Law of (in)Audible Tracking of Falling Items
A dropped item will always bounce in the opposite direction to the “pling” sound it makes
amendment a: (If the dropper manages to call for silence before the dropped item’s first impact)
Rebound surfaces are noise absorbent.
Example from real life:
See 1 above
1. Murphy’ Law of Selective Gravitation
A dropped item will always fall in the direction of least accessibility
Example from real life:
An aircraft mechanic was part of the team replacing a main rotor gearbox on a Bell 47 helicopter (if you’ve seen the TV series M*A*S*H, then you know the one). The gearbox was suspended over the engine while the mechanic threaded washers onto the mounting bolts before he put these into the holes on the gearbox. Of course – he dropped the washer into the opening at the top of the engine. There was a sudden hush which came over the repair team… but not a sound could be heard of a washer falling “plink, plink, plink…”) (oh… see 2 below)
…not a sound… except for “Phuket!!” (I went on holiday there once – a lovely island)
Extensive searching failed to reveal the hiding place of that washer. Everything was tried – even shaking the helicopter. Would you believe they even removed the engine and turned it upside down! In the end, they found the washer in the bottom most cylinder trapped between the piston and the cylinder liner.
2. Murphy’s Law of (in)Audible Tracking of Falling Items
A dropped item will always bounce in the opposite direction to the “pling” sound it makes
amendment a: (If the dropper manages to call for silence before the dropped item’s first impact)
Rebound surfaces are noise absorbent.
Example from real life:
See 1 above
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<<< inserted during writing: Murphy’s Law of Selective Save Functionality) >>>
Discovered right now, at time of writing, this Murphy is apparently becomes effective whenever you are trying to write a feature article.
The success of Ctrl S to perform an interim save during editing an MS Word document is inversely proportional to the amount of time expired since the last save.
Discovered right now, at time of writing, this Murphy is apparently becomes effective whenever you are trying to write a feature article.
The success of Ctrl S to perform an interim save during editing an MS Word document is inversely proportional to the amount of time expired since the last save.
Example from real life:
The more you write without performing an interim save, the less likely you are to actually saving your work. I lost the original draft of Murphy 3, below.
This law appears to have a few variations as well, so make sure you look out for the chapter on “Murphy’s Microsoftisms”
The more you write without performing an interim save, the less likely you are to actually saving your work. I lost the original draft of Murphy 3, below.
This law appears to have a few variations as well, so make sure you look out for the chapter on “Murphy’s Microsoftisms”
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Continuation of Murphy’s Laws on Mechanical Engineering, 2.
Example from real life:
See 1 above
amendment b: (If the “Pling” is heard)
The rebound speed of dropped items is inversely proportional to the square root of minus one.
3. Murphy’s Law of (in)Visible Tracking of Falling Items
A dropped item will always fall behind some obstruction to direct eye contact.
amendment a: (Effective if there is no physical obstruction to visual tracking of dropped items)
The likelihood of visual distraction increases in direct proportion to the square of the distance fallen under visual tracking.
Example:
You drop a nut from a typical “nuisance factor” height (i.e. you are on the top of a ladder). You realise immediately and switch on your visual tracking mode. But thanks to Murphy’s Third Law of Mechanical Engineering, amendment a, Sam Fox walks through the hangar doors wearing a big smile just half an inch before the nut reaches the floor. At this point you find that 1, 2, 2a and 2b all take secondary effect and the nut is lost forever – or at least until Murphy’s Law of Lost Items, amendment c.ii.a, subpara f takes effect.
amendment b: (In the event of eye contact being maintained until the dropped item comes to a standstill)
A dropped item will come to rest at a point one centimeter beyond reach
Murphy’s Laws of Motion
1. To every action there is an unequal reaction in some direction
2. A body might remain at rest or in motion in a straight line
3. The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear. Whenever it suits them; see the rebound examples above.
Murphy’s Law of Female Selective Memory
(That’s memory you fool, not mammary!)
The strength of a woman’s memory is inversely proportional to the value placed upon the event by a male mind.
Example from real life:
Er… I don’t think we need one here fellows, do we?
Continuation of Murphy’s Laws on Mechanical Engineering, 2.
Example from real life:
See 1 above
amendment b: (If the “Pling” is heard)
The rebound speed of dropped items is inversely proportional to the square root of minus one.
3. Murphy’s Law of (in)Visible Tracking of Falling Items
A dropped item will always fall behind some obstruction to direct eye contact.
amendment a: (Effective if there is no physical obstruction to visual tracking of dropped items)
The likelihood of visual distraction increases in direct proportion to the square of the distance fallen under visual tracking.
Example:
You drop a nut from a typical “nuisance factor” height (i.e. you are on the top of a ladder). You realise immediately and switch on your visual tracking mode. But thanks to Murphy’s Third Law of Mechanical Engineering, amendment a, Sam Fox walks through the hangar doors wearing a big smile just half an inch before the nut reaches the floor. At this point you find that 1, 2, 2a and 2b all take secondary effect and the nut is lost forever – or at least until Murphy’s Law of Lost Items, amendment c.ii.a, subpara f takes effect.
amendment b: (In the event of eye contact being maintained until the dropped item comes to a standstill)
A dropped item will come to rest at a point one centimeter beyond reach
Murphy’s Laws of Motion
1. To every action there is an unequal reaction in some direction
2. A body might remain at rest or in motion in a straight line
3. The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear. Whenever it suits them; see the rebound examples above.
Murphy’s Law of Female Selective Memory
(That’s memory you fool, not mammary!)
The strength of a woman’s memory is inversely proportional to the value placed upon the event by a male mind.
Example from real life:
Er… I don’t think we need one here fellows, do we?
